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My 5 year old doesn't deserve my temper

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Nov 27, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		You are doing a good job as a parent.
by: Anonymous

I think children need to know boundaries. If you let your child run around like little "monsters" they'll be those children laying in the middle of the grocery store screaming because you didn't do as they said. Look as a parent myself, your gonna lose your cool every once in awhile. It's a part of being a parent. We have tantrums just the same. Do not worry about it, at all. If you can sit back and realize the mistake you made and try making a better choice each time....You'll both be fine. Your child may learn from example but it's all in the way you explain things to them. Tell, them why you did it, regardless if they understand or not. I know I'd rather have my child respect me and know the difference between wrong and right then be out of control at 14 and have no way of a "do over". As long as your child is loved and shown that if you do something wrong you will have consequences they will be fine.
Jul 17, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Thank you
by: Anonymous

I actually started doing that even before you suggested it. I decided that I shouldn't spank him. I'm a big man and I don't want my child to fear me but to respect me for loving him so much. There have been several opportunities to punish him in the old way and I have now only giving time outs or talked to him about not doing the things that will get him in trouble. He's not my 1st child. I am 46 and have 2 grown up daughters well 17 and 21 and a 16 year old step son that is extremely challenging. But this is my 1st boy and wow are they different. LOL Thank you for your help.

Steve
Jul 11, 2009
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starstarstar 		Parental Frustration is the real cause of being violent against children
by: Pawan Verma

Hi Steve,

I didn't respond to your post for 3 days deliberately. Now that 3 days have passed, you can look the same situation more objectively and in a neutral way.

You were tired and wanted to sleep. But look at the situation from the child's point of view. He was irritated and disturbed about something and didn't want to sleep. On the other hand he wanted to do something and you were obstructing him to do that.

I think if you could have just listened to him gently for about 3-5 minutes, without speaking more then:

Hummm.....
yes....
I understand...
you seem to be right....
I understand how you feel now...,

the child would have complained for sometime, and then he couldn't have found more things to complain about.

This process helps the child to vomit out his frustration, which leaves his chest light and calm. This makes the child calm very soon.

Hitting kids teaches them that it is okay to hit someone you love or live with.

How do you feel when you are passing down the street and some muscleman hits you? Don't you feel like hitting him harder? How long does it take you to forget the incident?

Just imagine the humiliation the child suffers when we hit him. He also feels like hitting you back. How can you expect them to forget it soon?

If you were fresh and in good mood, probably you would have talked to him or allowed him to do something he wanted to do, or even have joined him.

See, we parents become violent only when we find ourselves incapable to handle the situation. All the day-to-day activities frustrate us and child's activities in the night are like the last straw.

Please understand that we need to change ourselves first. Children do what they see us doing. We are their role models, their HEROs.

Once you have disciplined yourself, praise the kids for the good things they do, and restrain yourself from criticizing them. Don't expect sudden change. Slowly they start changing. Keep praising them for their positive changes. This will speed up the reforms.

Give them more time. Show them your love for them. Respect them. Talk to them. Listen to them. Play with them. Be a part of their small world. This will create a strong bond between you and your child. This bond will help the child believe in you and do what you ask them to do.

Be consistent in disciplining them. Give reasonable consequences, not spanking or hitting.

There is a lot of sensitive material on this site, which will help you to rediscover parenting.
Please go to 'father Forgets' at once, because this page directly relates to the situation in hand.

You are an honest person, I welcome you to write more on this site. I'll respond as early as possible.

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